The Terror of Tiny Town  - Dann
Director: Sam Newfield
Starring: Billy Curtis Yvonne Moray Billy Platt
I first heard about this gem on Oh the Humanity Supposedly if you watch this, you're an official b-movie fan. I don't know, since this was the first b-movie I watched, but it's safe to say that you're in good standing if you've either heard of this or watched it once.
This movie is played as a straight western, no midget jokes nor pointing out that they just don't belong. All of the props save for the ponies are all full sized, so they walk under bar doors and wield guns bigger than their heads. I'm not sure who thought this was a good idea, but it was the 30's and people could pretty much do anything they wanted.
It's so wrinkley An action sequence Here goosey
So we start out with a song sequence where you can 'sing all of your troubles away'. The local hero oversees this and is proud of his little town. He dad rides up and tells him there's no calves in the local ranch. There must be trouble and he has to investigate. Some troublemakers are tackling a calf, and this really has to be one of the funniest scenes. But of course there are hundreds of funniest scenes in this movie. The evil guy leaves a rival rancher's branding iron around for the sheriff to find as evidence. Meanwhile, the evil guy, goes to that same rancher and starts a rumour that the rancher on the other side of town is stealing his calfs. Then he signals to his group, to fire towards them. The cook almost gets shot but he's fine, but goosey got away!
Too disturbing No idea man, no idea Just wait til you hear his voice.
With that done, the rancher heads into town and we're treated to a very disturbing song number performed but a midget who in all honesty looks 8. The evil guy tells one of the sheriffs his plan to steal calves from both ranchers while pinning the blame on each other, and tells him to be quiet or he'll let out some bad info about him. The wrinkley rancher walks into the barber shop and sees a penguin. I have no idea. Really.
He starts to get his hair cut when the rival rancher/sheriff's father walks in and threatens him or something and runs out. All the while we're being treated to a horribly dubbed trio of singers and some guy who have a voice far too deep to be real.
At breakneck speed Looks run in the family Please stop singing
A carriage is driving down the road and the evil guy's posse starts riding after it killing off the two drivers. They leave and the heroic sheriff has to ride up and stop the buggy. Inside is supposedly our attractive cowgirl, but she looks like a midget Karen from Will&Grace. The sheriff falls in love, but much like Romeo and Juliet, their families are rivals and they have to meet in private. Meanwhile we get to see the cook act crazy and walk into shelfs and knead dough.
The cowgirl sets off with some food to meet the sheriff and listen to his horribley dubbed song that never ends. It's very bad. They talk about something, I forget. His father finds him there and is none too pleased. The evil guy tells a rumour to the rival rancher and gets him to ride out and meet the sheriff. They spark at first, but soon come t an agreement. That is until the evil guy shoots the rancher and makes the sheriff look guilty. While the sheriff is seeing if the rancher is ok, the evil guy rides back to town to tell on him. He tries to hit on the cowgirl, but she's not that desperate.
It's really the barber with a fake moustache, shhhhh Pulling out the big guns Yes, he's putting his hat in the soup
So now we have another bar song rountine full of russian oboe players and rabbi's. The cowgirl is upset about the sheriff supposedly killing her uncle or whomever relative that was. He comes to clear things up, but she pulls a gun on him. He goes and she gets the cook to accompany her to the town, where everything can get cleared up.
The sheriff is now in jail and the evil guy is forming a lynching squad to go after him. He gets to all meet at the sheriff's office and he then slaps the bar woman.
*slap* I'm shot Just a sec
They start bullying the sheriff until the other sheriff who's being blackmailed, decides to come clean, but gets shot for his effort. The evil guy escape and runs off to his hideout. The bar woman beats him there and sets up some TNT. The sheriff has a slapping fight with the evil guy and escapes just in time not to be blown up. The End.
All in all, it has some funny parts, and some that make you wonder how hard it is to make a movie, if things like this can be made. But by the third time watching it, I was a little tired of it and didn't want to finish it.