Martian Transmissions - Brian
Few people remember the War of the Worlds television show, but even fewer people know that it was based on a true story. The Martian insurrection actually happened, and I have, for you today, the collected transmissions that were intercepted between the Martian leaders (the Advocacy) and their home world of Mor-Tax. Additional help with the translations provided by Shaman Joseph Lonetree. Pictures have been provided courtesy of the Blackwood Team. To see larger versions, simply click on the thumbnail.
It would appear that we are very much alive, my lords. The humans, in their infinite wisdom, saw fit to merely store our bodies in plain view at some waste facility. They also appear to hold no interest in our technology as our flying machines and heat rays were found unmolested in a hangar along with the Ark of the Covenant. Yes, millions of Jews believe it's beneath the Temple Mount.
In order to move about freely within human society, we have seized control of the bodies of several well-known, televised terrorists. My foreman has notified me of a peculiar phenomena which he has attributed to "radiation sickness." Hopefully, the humans will not notice the strange boils and open sores on our human faces. I mean, after all, they somehow forgot that we conquered them into the Stone Age some 35 years ago.
More of our brethren were located in the strange kingdom of "Canada." To be more specific, they were put in toxic waste drums at the bottom of a lake. In order to covertly cross the border, several of our best and most discreet agents took the bodies of a Prison Hockey Team bound for that accursed country. Alas, I fear our cover may have been blown when the one named Nikital
, believing it to be a human custom, pulled a human's arm out of its socket.
My brothers, would you believe that the most deadly and civilization-destroying viruses are being researched and studied at a college university?! It's true! Humanity's future is held in the tiny, trembling, Vaseline-smeared hands of a bunch of college kids! We sent our greatest agent, Mar'le
, to infiltrate a group of these kids in order to steal these viruses. As such, he had to blend in by engaging in some bizarre ritual called a "role playing game," of which he is most enthusiastic about. I, for one, am concerned for he acts most oddly and seems only interested in accruing "experience points." I had pleaded with him numerous times to complete his goal in exchange for all the "Mountain Dew" he could ever want, but he tells me to be silent; calling me a "newb." Unfortunately, we have not heard from him since his last transmission where he assured us that "the shire would burn to the ground in a fortnight."
My brothers, clearly violence is not that good a tool of persuasion as we either violently cripple or kill whoever we touch. Rather than simply force a human scientist to cure our radiation sickness, we have decided to spend months and billions of these "dollars" hiring a recording artist to make a song for us. It is our hope that, after killing the recording artist, we will put subliminal messages into this song and broadcast it. Hopefully a scientist somewhere will hear it and make an antidote for our ailment. It has also become clear to us that we are not every good at this whole "world domination" thing.
It is with a heavy heart that we must report that many of our operatives were terminated by the synthetic beings of Qar'To! The Synths can easily detect us and they fire Atomic Bullets, the very thing that is slowly poisoning us. It has come to my attention that, in retrospect, we probably should have turned our efforts towards fighting these and not crushing out these miserable humans who do a better job of ending their own lives. We humbly request your counsel, but I don't know how much longer we can hold out. Too Doe Nakotae!
Unfortunately, this is the last known transmission from the Advocacy before the world mysteriously shifted into an era of cyberpunks and social corruption (1989). Typically, I'd be worried that they might still be out there, but from what you've read, are you really that concerned?