Jack Frost  - The Orthodontist
Director: Michael Cooney
Starring: Scott MacDonald Christopher Allport Eileen Seeley Stephen Mendel Shannon Elizabeth
Country: USANOTE: As I was looking for more reviews to link to at the bottom, I noticed the review on teleport-city had many of the same screen shots, even thought I took them independant of reading that review. So, I'd just like to state that I'm not, and wouldn't rip them off like that.
Yeah, I know I'm one in a few million sites who have reviewed Jack Frost. But it has to be done sooner or later. Also it's well after the holiday season, so how's that for craziness.
The movie starts off with a narrative about Jack Frost (that's his real name in the movie) who murdered a bunch of people, while some person talking in a fake whiney girls voice gets scared. Once the narrator states that Frost will be executed this very night. We cut to the prison van, which seems to be an ordinary van, but keep in mind the budget for this movie is very low, and they're not going to go all out. While they drive, there's a huge snow storm currently going on which makes the driving not so easy for the prison vehicle. Also driving on the road during the storm is a truck full of some dangerous chemical. Of course they both collide, and Jack is thrown free (his shackles fall off too, what luck). The one remaining driver who is left alive gets out and notices that Jack is missing, but Jack is behind him. As Jack starts threatening the driver, a door on the chemical truck busts open and sprays Jack, causing him to fall apart and seep into the snow. Then we are treated to a lovely 3d, no shading animation of the blood cells crystallizing in a perfectly blue liquid.
Done, glorious. We see a sheriff driving along as midnight passes. 'No more Jack' he thinks, as he imagines the day he caught Jack himself. He drives past the scene of the accident, while his kid jumps around wanting a better look. The feds tell him to move along. Back at home, his kid is cooking some stuff with marshmallows and crud. The father takes the junk and heads off to the local snowman contest. Here we meet the local eccentrics, like some teen who doesn't care to talk, and his father who doesn't want anyone to see his snowman, and Shannon Elizabeth! Yes, Shannon Elizabeth from Scary Movie. This is a small part, but she offers some guy a date and he turns it down. The fool. But the date was to snowplow some streets, so I dunno how exciting that would be.
He checks into the office where his receptionist is ignoring him, until he jokingly asks if someone died, which in turn she holds up a piece of note paper that states: 'Someone Died'. He checks it out and some old guy is dead, and still rocking in his chair...until the sheriff tells his deputy to take his foot off the chair. I thought that was clever. The sheriff calls the FBI to verify if Jack Frost was really dead. The FBI dude lies and says yes. His sci-homeboy starts complaining about how they hadn't tested the chemicals, and it really sucks that a killer is on the loose. Mysteriously a snowman appears in the sheriff's wife's front yard. The kid is busy inside cooking more crap and making messes. The weird thing is that he looks like 13, but acts and talks 6. That aside, he heads out to give the snowman a face. Back at the sheriffs office the locals are restless and complain a lot. The sheriff tells them to go away and they go to the mini-mart to buy ammo. Back at home, the kid is putting the final touches on the snowman. Then the blackice sled gang appears and hassles the kid and knocks the snowman's head off. Donning evil twig eyebrows, the snowman pushes the head gang member down and a sled runs over his head, cleanly severing it. The police carry the boys head off in a bag, while the kid mutters 'the snow man did it' it over and over.
Later in the night, the sheriff is sitting down examining Jack's notes from back when he was alive and threatening the sheriff every once in a while. The notes are in ransom format with the cut out letters and all. Now if Jack was already caught, which he was when he started threatening the sheriff, why would he use cut out letters? They know it's him, so why the attempt at being anonymous. Who know, nothing makes sense.
At the home of the people who's punk kid just died, the wife wants to decorate the tree. The father gets all bothered since it's not the best time to bring up festivities. Then Shannon Elizabeth walks in, giving her more film time, which is fine. She leaves and the father goes out for some firewood. But he doesn't; he goes out to smoke his pipe. But that's when the snowman out in front asks for a smoke. The father grabs and ax, while a voice taunts him. The guy thinks someone is hiding and ignores the snowman. Too late, the snowman grabs the ax and stabs him with it. Not the blade mind you, but handle first. 'I only axed you for a smoke' Jack Frost states. One-liners like this litter the movie. Some are bad; some are just way out there. This one was just bad. Jack sneaks into the house, via melting and going under the door. Earlier in the movie the wife states that she always wanted to be the angel on the tree. Well Jack makes her wish come true. The only catch is, she gets tied up with lights and sliced by ornaments. The sheriff arrived on the scene and tells people to take her down. 'So you don't suggest we leave her up for the 12 days of Christmas?' the deputy asks.
The FBI shows up and takes over the case, much to the annoyance of the sheriff. He gathers the townsfolk in a meeting to talk about the situation. He suggests a town-wide curfew and offers some places to sleep. He's interrupted by the crazy mini-mart owner killing the snowmen in the snowman contest, because he's disturbed at the sight of the recent death. So far, he's the only one to have seen it. The FBI guy gets all annoyed because the townsfolk are stupid people. One deputy heads off to check out the guy who was feaking out, but instead runs into Jack, who's in the middle of the road with a stop sign. The deputy gets out to get a shovel, but Jack is melted by the time he gets back. The deputy puts the shovel back, and suddenly Jack is in the car and runs over the guy.
Shannon Elizabeth sneaks into the sheriffs house with he boyfriend. She goes off to do who knows what, and the dude gets some ice and eats it! Could he have eaten frost? Actually, this has no relevance, since frost comes inside soon after. The dude stabs jack a bunch of times, and it does nothing. So Jack fires off a shard of ice to pin the dude against a door. Then he kills Shannon Elizabeth, but I won't go into it, because it's too disturbing.
Back at the ranch, the sheriff and the FBI guys are shooting the breeze about what Jack really is. Then after stealing a line from 'The Rock', the stolen cop car pulls up outside with no one inside. Jack pops up giving everyone a first look, the FBI guy shoots him, and laughs. But it doesn't work, so the people yell at each other and run inside. Jack melts and goes under the door and the FBI guy shoots at the water of all things. Honestly...
They run out and blow up the building with a few aerosol cans, and then Jack gets a little messed up and steals a line from 'Toy Story'. The whole town gets clued in on the snowman and panics, but they won't be any help. The sheriff and FBI guys head to the boiler room. After some hassling and shooting the scientist spills the info about how Jack exists, and how snow can live and how a soul is a chemical. The next plan is to throw him into a furnace. Jack, not the scientist, although that may be a good idea anyway. As they're waiting for Jack to appear, the FBI guy starts a monologue about a summer of '79 and the sheriff tells him to be quiet as Jack rolls through the front door as a giant snowball. The people armed with hairdryers force Jack into the furnace and celebrate and all leave except for the FBI guys. They talk while some steam escapes and forms back into Jack. The main FBI guy gets his face chomped and Jack turns to the scientist. The sci-guy tries to negotiate, but with no luck. The scientist lumbers outside and starts throwing up while everyone watches.
The sheriff and his son escape to his car and can't get it working. All the while, water leaks in and Jack appears in the back. As a last resort, the sheriff throws the lunch his son made earlier into the back and Jack starts screaming in pain. At first he thinks it's the oats, but after asking his son what he put in it, the son replies "I didn't want you to get cold.........anti-freeze" The kid put anti-freeze in the food. For crying out... anyway, that aside the sheriff hatches a mad anti-freeze plan which saves the day. The bury the anti-freeze back in the bottles from which they came in the ground and all is well.
So what did I think. Personally I loved it, and bought the sequel. Everyone else hates it, though I'm not sure why. They hate the sequel even more. Hate all around. So much hate, you could pour it in a bottle and bury it. Also in the credits, they credit someone called 'Idiot'. This confused me, but in the directors commentary of Jack Frost 2, this is explained. But you'll have to wait for that....