Burial Ground  - The Orthodontist
aka. Notti del terrore, Le; Nights of Terror
Director: Andrea Bianchi
Starring: Peter Bark Karin Well Mariangela Giordano
Burial Ground...It sounded like a zombie movie, and luckily it turned out to be one. This one was interesting because the people actually fought back...sometimes. Other times they tried to slap the zombies and hit them on the shoulder. But extra points are given for them recognizing that the zombies are slow.
I believe I went overboard on the screencaps, so the first 13 are from the first half hour of the movie, and the remaining 5 are from the last hour or so. So we start off with a mad scientist with a HUGE beard practicing voodoo or medicine or something geared towards raising the dead. This was originally for a legit purpose of extending life, but of course will just end up creating zombies that want to eat peoples gizzards. The scientist hears a noise and goes off to hit a hammer against a wall in the cave. Then the zombies approach and he shouts "But I am your friend", but zombies have no friends, and they kill him.
Cut to the title screen and credits. People are arriving at the mansion that the scientist lived in. I was going to rewatch it to find out why they were there, but that was going to be painful, so I'm going to guess they were on vacation. For the next 10 minutes the movie turns into a soap opera. Not as bad as Zombie Lake, but we want zombies. But no zombies do we get until we see 20 scenes of this stupid kid who's supposed to be 10 but obviously is in his 20's. Then the dubbed voice they use is even more annoying. Not as annoying as "The House by the Cemetary" which takes the golden prize for 'Kid we want killed off, but instead everyone else dies saving him" award. To make this even worse, he has an Oedipus Complex, which makes for some disturbing scenes later, that I won't tell you about.
So later on, I guess even the director tired of having that kid speak, so the people start having picnics and writing on blue paper and taking pictures. Then the zombies finally start showing up. Our first victim is the annoying kid's father. He's in a barn with his wife when a zombie walks in. We give a brief moment of respect to the kid for warning him a few minutes earlier when he smells a rag and states that it "smells like death". They disregard it as just an old rag, but then who's laughing when they're dead! So the zombie walks in and the father shouts "what do you want!" a few dozen times, but just gets pushed down into the corner and his guts are eaten. The kid gets out alive though...
That's the only death for the next half hour, so we only get to see people running for now. A Christina Aguilera look-a-like and some guy who ends up being the coolest character in the movie, are having a picnic or something when a zombie rises out of the ground and grabs his leg. They scramble and ask what it is, while the zombie sits there and stares. Then they take off and we see couple #3 sitting around reading or writing, and another zombie rises out of a flower pot as well as more zombies already on the prowl. The woman of course falls as she's running, and the guy has to drag her along. We then see couple #2 (the cool guy and aguilera-look-a-like) heading through some gates and lock it behind them. They scramble and the aguilera-look-a-like gets caught in a bear trap (see the great screen cap below). The cool guy tries to open in but keeps slipping, so it re-snaps shut. Then zombies come and attack him. He picks up a pitchfork and tries to stab the zombie, but it grabs it away and throws it. Then he resorts to trick #2; standing with you hands in your pocket, while staring at the ground until the zombie starts choking you, then trying to fight back. This is a stupid plan and luckily couple #3 arrive and smash rocks on the zombies heads.
Back to the annoying kid and his mother, who are in a cellar being cornered by zombies. The mother, who actually fights in this movie, throws some oil or paint or something onto the zombie and lights it up. Everyone runs back to the mansion and the butler lets them in. The zombies pound on the door but soon get bored and walk away.
Once inside the group huddles together, but the maid decides to wander off on her own and check out a window. Outside the zombies are having a moshpit or something and see the maid. As she tries to close the window, one zombie throws a spike at her hand and pins it to the wall. Then they slowy raise a scythe above her head and slice it off like a block of cheese. They guy with the moustache find here and ponders the situation for a while, but ends up throwing her over the ledge so she can hand from her hand. The zombies, eager to eat her guts, grab a hold and rip her off the spike, so that's all done with.
With one down, another member decides to stray from the herd. She gets her hair pulled and dies. The zombies break, in people fight with machetes and heavy objects and defeat them for now. The cool guy in one of his not-so-cool moments chooses to let the zombies in since "they're all so slow". But first is the scene I'm not going to tell you about. Ok, it involves the kid getting slapped and then eaten by the women who's hair was pulled. At the time I was overjoyed that he'd no longer be in the movie annoying me, but I see him becoming a cult figure in the near future.
The kid's mother finds him and break down. But luckily the hair-pulled woman is sitting next to them, enjoying her latest feast. Like really enjoying it, "KFC after 40 years in the desert" enjoying it. The mother takes out her aggression on the hair-pulled zombie and smashes her head against the bathtub, thus killing it.
The group meanwhile let the zombies in, find the mother and hide in a closet. The zombies walk up the stairs right past them. Somewhere the bulter finds the original scientist and dies. The group find this scene and make a smarter decision by not sticking around. Night passes and the group falls asleep. At this point we still have: he moustache guy, the cool guy, the mother, and the aguilera look-a-like.
Now that it's daylight, they escape to an old monastery, where the moustache guy catches a glimpse of a preist. He follows him into a room with other priests and asks for their help. But of course they're all zombies, so they eat him. Hearing the screaming, the group go to see what's up, and scream a lot then run away to a barn. Once there, they barricade the door and run up the stairs. At the top they find a zombie; the cool guy hits it with a candle stick and pushes it over the ledge. But it doesn't end there. The kid is back! Here's the other scene, I'm not going to tell you about. In fact I'm not going to tell you the rest of the movie.
Well, I have to keep some things a surprise. All in all, this movie had the gore, the bad acting, the stupid people, the zombies, very slow zombies, zombies that still win. It's an italian zombie movie, so you know it has to be good. Good luck finding it though. Ebay maybe? I dunno.